Teen Dating, Boundaries & Privacy

This week, we’re talking about teenagers dating, boundaries, and privacy.

Using an article as a starting point, we break down what dating looks like for teenagers today and how expectations have changed.

From there, we get into the bigger conversation—how much parents should know, where boundaries should be set, and how trust plays a role in everything.

It’s a mix of perspectives, honest opinions, and a conversation a lot of people can relate to.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:18

Hey, it's Jess. Hey, it's Abby. Welcome back to another episode of the Like Mother Like Daughter Podcast.

SPEAKER_00 0:24

Six seven. Guys, before we get into this, I just want to say that my headphones are on my head and my head is over it. So if my forehead looks big, that's why. So please don't hate.

SPEAKER_01 0:34

No one's hating on your forehead. I promise you.

SPEAKER_00 0:36

I don't even have a big forehead. It just looks like it because the headphones.

SPEAKER_01 0:40

Okay, so the other day I came across an article, and I am gonna share it with you eventually, but it kind of got me thinking, and I kind of wanted to talk about it a little bit on the podcast, but I figured that we could kind of make it about like our perspective. So I just wanted to ask you like, I know you think that I'm a strict mom, like why do you think I'm a strict mom?

SPEAKER_00 1:04

Because for one, when I get grounded, you like put me on a phone restriction. But the thing is, I'm not trying to say this because all the time when I say this, you're like, oh, I'm not their mom, whatever. But all my friends' moms, when they get grounded, they're just not allowed to hang out with their friends because they know that like phones, like that's just not what parents do anymore, is take their phones. They just say, Okay, no friends.

SPEAKER_01 1:27

Okay, but the reason why I put you on a phone restriction is because it gets you on a better like schedule. So for example, this morning, it took me three and a half hours to wake you up for this episode today.

SPEAKER_00 1:39

Okay, but listen, I just did not want to get up. I was having you know when you have a really good dream and you just don't want to wake up. I was like, I just wanted to be in my dream.

SPEAKER_01 1:49

I actually was having a good dream this morning too, and then my alarm was going off.

SPEAKER_00 1:53

It wasn't even really a good dream. I just it was a really interesting dream, and I was trying to finish my mission and you were not letting me. And it was really frustrating. Like really frustrating.

SPEAKER_01 2:04

Other than me putting you on like your phone restriction, what other things make me strict? Is it just that one particular thing?

SPEAKER_00 2:12

Or No, like my curfew. Your curfew's good. We've gone over this. I know, but like for the summer, I'm thinking like 11, 30. No.

SPEAKER_01 2:23

No.

SPEAKER_00 2:24

Okay, well, another thing that makes you strict is like when I like wake up late or like I'm late to class, you like get so mad.

SPEAKER_01 2:32

I just I really, really want you to prioritize your schooling because I know you don't realize it right now.

SPEAKER_00 2:37

But because mommy, you don't understand. Like, when I'm like during passing period when it's like we have the seven minutes and I hear that warning bell, and I'm like nowhere near my class. When I tell you I drop everything I'm doing, I drop everyone I'm with, and I sprint to class because I'm like, my mom's literally gonna beat my ass. I would not. Well, obviously not, but like you get so mad, and I would just like, okay guys, I gotta go, like, I'm so sorry, and I just like sprint.

SPEAKER_01 3:00

I just think it's really important to learn how to be on time, and I know that you know how to be on time, but it's really important to show your teachers and you just yourself get into the habit of always being on time for class because when you get out into the real world and you get a job, you're expected to be at your shift 15 minutes before your scheduled time.

SPEAKER_00 3:21

Yeah, and I feel like I'm pretty good at going to class on time. You are, you are. There are times where I'm late because it's like I'm helping my friend or like something, but it's not all the time.

SPEAKER_01 3:29

Yeah. I feel like I'm pretty reasonable, but I mean, like if you were to compare I wouldn't even call you strict, you just have high expectation expectations. And I think I have high expectations because I want to guide you and like teach you structure because I never had that when I was a good one.

SPEAKER_00 3:48

I know I was gonna say that like you're trying to like be the opposite of what you did growing up.

SPEAKER_01 3:52

Yeah, I'm trying to like help mold you into a responsible.

SPEAKER_00 3:55

And that's what I try to explain to my friends when they're like, oh my god, your mom is so strict. But I'm like, you guys like don't understand that like she did not have like have someone to guide her growing up, so she wants me to be like guided, guided, yeah. On a scale from one to ten, how strict would you say I am? Like an 8.5. No, I'm joking, like a 7.5.

SPEAKER_01 4:18

I feel like that's even pretty high.

SPEAKER_00 4:21

Well, like, I can't think of any right now. I'm gonna start making a list. Every single time I think you're strict, I'm gonna write it down.

SPEAKER_01 4:28

That's funny. Please do and report back.

SPEAKER_00 4:30

Yeah, I will.

SPEAKER_01 4:32

What is the rule that I have that annoys you the most?

SPEAKER_00 4:36

Probably like I can only have one friend over for sleepover half the time. Yeah. Before, I when I had two friends or three friends over for sleepover, we were really loud. But now we are not really as loud. Like, we just sit in my bed and we talk, we listen to music, we chill, we do our makeup, we get hot, we make their straps. That's literally what we do.

SPEAKER_01 4:56

I know, I know you guys don't think you are loud, but like the other night, for example, when I woke up, my my alarm was sent for 3:30 because I had to get up and shower because I did my tan the night before and I had to go to the gym. And when I turned my alarm off, I heard laughing. And I said, I know that's not Abby awake at 3:32 in the morning, which is funny because that was the time that you were born. So I get up, I go in Abby's room, and she's in there roaring on her phone on FaceTime with her friends. And I'm like, girl, you have to get up in like four hours for this. We were supposed to have an interview, we didn't end up having it, but I was like, you need to get up in like four hours, you need to go to bed. Um, so even when you're by yourself, you don't think that you're gonna be loud, but I can hear you so plain as day.

SPEAKER_00 5:43

I was cackling on the phone because Olivia's funny as sh.

SPEAKER_01 5:47

And like last night when I texted you, I heard your phone dang. I can hear everything.

SPEAKER_00 5:52

Yeah, but my ringer's always on because ever since the I slept through my alarms that time and I missed two like two periods. My ringer is always on when I go to sleep. I don't turn my phone on DD when I go to sleep anymore. Okay, that's fair. Do you think I'm more strict than your friend's parents? Yes. Why? Um, because my friend's parents are literally the most chillest parents I've ever met in my whole life. Besides, like one of my friends, but like What do they get to do that you don't? They don't get their phone taken. They're allowed out till like not late, but like six seven. Six seven? No, I mean like six seven, like, you know. And they're not mad if they're late for class. Like one of my friends, her mom just kind of like lets her teach her own self, like if she's like late for class or like she misses a class, like her mom would just be like, Well, that's that's on you. You gotta learn yourself, basically. But like, I'm not proud of you, but like you gotta get it together. Yeah, I feel like you need to learn it on your own, and like what you need to do, like you need to learn it, but she doesn't get in trouble.

SPEAKER_01 6:52

That's why I think that's what they call natural consequences. I'm not gonna ground you and I'm not gonna give you consequences, but there will be consequences that happen from you missing class or you being late for class, like you're gonna fall behind in your schoolwork and then you're gonna potentially fail.

SPEAKER_00 7:07

Or when one of my friends doesn't want to go to class, she'll just tell her mom, and her mom will be like, okay, but you're like, no, I mean you gotta go to class. It's just like when I don't, when I have no work to do in class and I'm sitting there and I'm just watching dance moms on my Chromebook, there's no point of me being in class.

SPEAKER_01 7:24

But if you're watching, if you're to the point where you're watching dance moms on your Chromebook, that means every single assignment in every single class is done and passed in, right? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:34

Yeah. Yeah. I'm so on top of my work lately. That's good. Yeah, like you see me. Remember when you came in my room and I was doing art?

SPEAKER_01 7:41

Yeah, and your teachers have been giving good feedback about you lately.

SPEAKER_00 7:46

Yeah. Yeah. Because I'm walking in, bro. This semester, Katie said if I get good grades and I don't have 50s to pass, she'll buy me an electric scooter.

SPEAKER_01 7:55

That's a good grading present.

SPEAKER_00 7:56

Yeah, and also asked her mom for that because this summer, bro.

SPEAKER_01 8:00

You guys are gonna be oh we're gonna be room, room, room, room.

SPEAKER_00 8:02

That's why you need to give me the cat mask.

SPEAKER_01 8:04

I'm dead. You know that my rules don't come from me not trusting you, right? It's just because I want it's just because I want you to be safe.

SPEAKER_00 8:14

I know. I just want you to like be able to trust me.

SPEAKER_01 8:17

I do trust you. It's the other people in the world that I don't trust. Yeah, no, I know. Okay, so I kind of want to switch gears a little bit here when it comes to like being strict and stuff. So there was an article that I found, and I'm gonna share a little bit of it with you guys because I found it really interesting, and I just want to hear your take on some of these things. So I'm gonna I'm gonna read through a little bit of it, and then we can circle back and and talk about it. Okay. So the article is called Gen Z Explains What the F is Talking and Other Relationship Questions. So it says, looking at Gen Z's romantic relationships, things look more complicated than they may seem. But I'll be honest, we're confused too. So here are the answers to some of the frequently asked questions of parents about their children's love lives. So it says, When should I let them start dating? Great question. The answer. They don't care. I know many of teens that will tell me about their partner, but they add in, but my parents don't let me date, so don't mention it. In the age of digital communication, there's really no way to stop your child from dating someone. If you want your child to be honest with you, I'll leave you with this advice. The best liars I know have the strictest parents. My mom has always told me I can be honest with her no matter what, and I don't hide anything from her. So for me, this stood out for me because this is exactly why I try to be as like open and honest with you. And I tell you that, you know, I don't tell you you're not allowed to have a boyfriend because I don't want you to do it behind my back and end up in a situation and feel like you can't come to me and tell me. I'd rather know and be able to guide you and give you structure through a relationship and teach you like healthy boundaries rather than you hiding it from me and not knowing what's good and what's not or what's right and what's wrong, you know?

SPEAKER_00 10:18

Yeah, and I also feel like parents should let their teens date because it's like you're exploring like what you like and how when parents have rules that like you can't date till you're like 18 or like in college or out of high school, it's like how am I supposed to know what I like and like what my type is if I'm not experiencing it during high school or during like junior high? Yeah. And like also like in elementary school when kids have boyfriends, it's not real, it's just like, oh, like let's be boyfriend and girlfriend and hold hands at recess.

SPEAKER_01 10:47

I think that's kind of like when you're still in elementary school, it's not real boyfriend and girlfriend, obviously. It's just that's when you start to, you know, develop like you can tell that oh I'm attracted to a boy or a girl like I feel like real relationships start in high school.

SPEAKER_00 11:02

Like, I don't count any of like my relationships. I wasn't even that much, but like I don't count my boyfriends from elementary school or junior high.

SPEAKER_01 11:09

No, I think you're right. I think high school is when you know you start to develop your own thoughts and feelings, and you're becoming a an adult. You're essentially you're transitioning into an adult. Yeah, like the only real relationship I count is. I would say too. You guys were pretty intense for a bit there.

SPEAKER_00 11:28

Yeah, but that was in junior high, and like we weren't mature, and like, I don't know, I just don't I don't count him. Yeah, I get I can see that.

SPEAKER_01 11:35

You think you think your first love was cm, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:38

He still is my first love.

SPEAKER_01 11:40

Yeah. Well, he'll always be. Yeah. My biggest fear is that I'm gonna tell you not to do something and you're gonna hide it from me, you're gonna do it anyway, and hide it from me because let's be honest, teenagers are going to experience things, they're going to experiment, they're gonna, you know, do things to fit in or want to be part of a friend group, and regardless if their parents say yes or no, and then if they don't feel comfortable telling their parents because, you know, their parents forbid them from doing these things, and they end up doing them anyway, and then they wind up in a situation that's dangerous or unsafe, they're not gonna come to their parents about it because they know they're gonna get in trouble.

SPEAKER_00 12:20

I know, and it's also like I feel like they should let them learn for themselves with these type of situations, like let them experience it like for themselves.

SPEAKER_01 12:27

Yeah, because the more you tell your kid not to do something, they're gonna want to do it more.

SPEAKER_00 12:32

So since we're on this topic, the face you just gave me. Since we're on this topic, it's like seven. What? I'm gonna come out and say it. Oh my god, you're gonna be.

SPEAKER_01 12:47

I'll cut it out if I have to.

SPEAKER_00 12:49

What is that? Upstairs. I think they're vacuuming. Yeah, they're vacuuming.

SPEAKER_01 12:56

Okay, we're gonna keep rolling with it, guys. I'll try to edit this part out. Yeah, you did pretty good last time. If you can hear it, I apologize, but I'm gonna try to edit it out. They're vacuuming upstairs. I'm so sorry. Alright. What were you gonna say?

SPEAKER_00 13:09

Yeah, since we're on this topic, what? Since we're on this topic, and you know we're talking about, you know, not keeping things from parents with these type of situations and dating and everything. Yeah. Um I just wanna say. What why are you looking at me like that? Like you're like I'm waiting for you to tell me. Me and back in contact. Are you kidding me? Mommy, we j you cannot go what again, you just said. We have it all on recording. Guys, clock this right now. Can we get a replay? I'm so disappointed.

SPEAKER_01 13:45

We'll talk about it afterward.

unknown 13:47

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 13:48

Moving on to the next part of this article. It says, should I check their phone? Absolutely not. This is the single most efficient way to ruin your child's trust in you and to violate their privacy. It's like if your parents listen to all of your most private conversations as a child. It sounds awful, right? Some things your child needs to go through independently. And if you have a serious sense of something is wrong, ask them about it. And I have never once gone through your phone. Like when you were little, I did. But since you've been a teenager and you've kind of, you know, been in relationships and things like that, I've never gone through your phone.

SPEAKER_00 14:22

Yeah, I agree with that. I feel like when they're little, it's important, but like not when they're starting to get into a teenager.

SPEAKER_01 14:29

Yeah, because obviously when you're old enough to know better and you have a phone, you know, like me and you have had the conversation about, you know, like don't send pictures that are inappropriate because once something like that is out there, it's out there forever, right? Um, don't talk to strangers like randomly, like don't add people that you don't know on Snapchat. Keep your Snapchat stories private, like don't keep your location on. All of those safety things, those are all things that you you have to have a conversation with your teenager about. And then it's up to trust. Then you have to trust them that they're gonna follow those rules, right?

SPEAKER_00 15:06

And it's also like my friends tell me really private things that like if you were to go to my phone, like you would see all the all my friends like conversations and like Yeah, and I think like, you know, when when you were little and even when I was growing up, it I think it was a different world back then.

SPEAKER_01 15:26

And you know, monit monitoring phones were important, but it gets to a point where when your teenager is at a certain certain age, you have to be able to trust them to use the internet appropriately. And if you think that something is wrong in their life and their personal life that they're not telling you about, talk to them.

SPEAKER_00 15:48

Yeah, like before when you hated when my account was public and you would get so mad at me. But then I just like one day I just said it's a public and it's been public ever since. And it's different now too, because you're a little bit older. We're we're doing this podcast together now.

SPEAKER_01 16:03

I'm I put my entire life out there.

SPEAKER_00 16:05

Like Yeah, and I don't post my entire life. I like to keep it nonchalant and mysterious.

SPEAKER_01 16:10

Yeah, and like, and you know what to post. Like you're not stupid when it comes to, you know, posting your location and like as long as people I have my location on for is like my friends. Yeah, yeah. Again, so this article it says, How do I know my child isn't sending explicit photos? You can never guarantee that they aren't. We do get some education in school about how this is against the law and all around a bad idea. I would suggest tr uh talking to your child in a mature, honest conversation. Tell them that they might be pressured to send photos. You know, teenage boys are monsters. Um, but it is against the law and it could be used against them. So that's kind of what we were just talking about, right? Um It says, My kid says they're talking to someone. What does that mean? I'll let you I'll let you answer this one.

SPEAKER_00 16:55

Talking to someone means like you're getting to know them and you're building up to a relationship. Like you guys are just slowly talking.

SPEAKER_01 17:02

Like you're I think that would be like a talking stage. Yeah, like when I think when when teenagers say they're talking to someone, I think for like our millennials, I guess you could say, it would be like when we would say we're seeing or we're dating someone. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:17

But like now we say dating, it's like we're actually locked in.

SPEAKER_01 17:20

Yeah. But like you guys are in a relationship when you're dating.

SPEAKER_00 17:23

And then there's like a situation ship where like you don't know what you are, you guys are friends dating, not yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:28

Like you're kind of in the limbo, you're like, what is happening here? Um, so this next part of the article says, My child hasn't said anything about dating. Are they keeping it a secret? Um, and it says, if you've expressed interest in their love life and they told you nothing is happening, it's probably true. Nowadays, kids are too busy trying not to fail high school while going through multiple historical events at once. My dad always used to ask me if I had a secret boyfriend. I didn't, but I never said anything about guys. So he was always suspicious. Truth was, I just didn't want a relationship at the time. So what do you think about that? Like if your parents, like me and you are pretty open with each other, right? Like we talk about when you're seeing someone or talking to someone new or whatever. But with your friends in your life or people in your life, like, do you think that they keep it a secret? Or do you think that they're pretty open, like for the most part, are your friends? My friends? Yeah. Yeah. No, I'd say yeah. Your friends are pretty open with their parents about dating.

SPEAKER_00 18:28

Yeah, like one of my friends though, she was pretty private with it at first because, like, you know, she's pretty open now. Yeah. Every all my friends are pretty like open with their moms.

SPEAKER_01 18:37

Okay, here's another one. I'm gonna let you, instead of me reading the blog first, I'll let you kind of answer it. It says, What does it mean if my kid is snapping someone?

SPEAKER_00 18:49

Okay, snapping someone. I don't usually like snap people, but like what I got from my friends and stuff, and like in my past, when I'm snapping someone, it's like we're just snapping, like like getting to know each other. No, we're just snapping back and forth, and like we'll just open each other's snaps really quickly, and like, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:10

So the article says, Snapping someone is the term we use for saying someone is talking to you over Snapchat. This can range from having no real uh romantic implications to the talking stage, it just depends on the person.

SPEAKER_00 19:23

Yeah, like it doesn't mean that you're talking necessarily, just means like you're snapping. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:29

Okay, this is the last part, and this is probably my favorite part of the article. Oh god. It says, I just don't want my child to date. What do I do? I hate to say this, but there's not much you can do. If you take their phone and ban them from going out, they're probably gonna be isolated and depressed. And I hope that that would be worse than them having a partner in your eyes. Your kids are smarter than you think they are. If something is wrong, they'll come to you if they believe you trust them. If you ban your daughter from dating and she winds up in a secret abusive relationship, she can't come to you without getting in trouble for breaking the rules. Let your children know that you'll always be there for them. As my father always said, don't drink at parties, but if you do, call me to drive you home. That's my favorite part. Yeah, that's valid, right? I feel like that's literally like that's like my dynamic with you. Yeah, I've never been to a party before though. No. But eventually you will go to a party, and that will be what I'm gonna say. Like, don't drink, but if you do, call me for a drive home. Don't get any cars with anyone. Like, you know.

SPEAKER_00 20:35

I think it's like you should know if I go to a party, I'm gonna drink. I mean I feel like every parent should know that for a while.

SPEAKER_01 20:41

I don't I don't like the thought of you doing that. Obviously, not, but it's like every parent should know that every teenager is gonna do it at some point. Yeah. Just be safe about it, that's all. Well, obviously. So now let's kind of just talk about our dynamic when it comes to dating. So when it comes to like you dating boys, do you think I'm strict around that?

SPEAKER_00 21:03

Like, no, but like yeah, like six, seven.

SPEAKER_01 21:06

If you were to like look at your your friends' parents and their kind of rules when it comes to dating um and compare them to mine, like would you say that it's kind of the same or or different?

SPEAKER_00 21:20

Like different because you don't like when I hang out with my boyfriend like every single day.

SPEAKER_01 21:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:27

But my friends like don't mind or like sleepovers. My friend's parents don't really care. Well, I don't really know for one of them, but like the other one, you know that, like, yeah. And it's kind of just like how long we've been together, and like if you trust But you know why, obviously. Because you got pregnant a young age. But I think that's more of a reason why you should trust me not to do that. Because for one, I don't want kids. I know. I can I try kids.

SPEAKER_01 21:54

But let me be real with you. I didn't want kids either when I was your age.

SPEAKER_00 21:57

Yeah, but that's why I'm not gonna ha

SPEAKER_01 22:00

Oh. Now they're doing laundry. It's a freaking holiday, so I can't get mad. I figured they would be. Again, guys, if you can hear that in the background, I'm so sorry. I'm gonna try to edit it out the best I can. But I live in an apartment and I'm doing my best here.

SPEAKER_00 22:16

So, anyways. But anyway, um, yeah, I don't want kids and I don't want to do anything that could result in me having kids. And I have a plan for my future. Like, I wanna travel the world with like no kids. Like, I do not want kids. I wanna be a psychologist and a writer on the side and publish books and like about my life. Like, I have dreams and I'm not about to f that up. I'm so proud of you for that. Like, I am set on wanna like I have a vision of what I wanna be when I'm older and what my life will be, and it's gonna happen. Like, I am so set. I'm so proud of you for that. Yeah, like I'm gonna be so success successful, guys. And also, like the door open. Like my friends, like my friends' moms don't do that because they're like they tr they just have trust. They just know that like my friends aren't gonna be like idiots.

SPEAKER_01 23:06

I know, but you I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 23:08

I think it's a respectful thing to I just it's just like trust, like with like you can blur blur their name up, but like with h like wants the door shut because she's like, I trust you, like you guys want your privacy, like I know, but some of these boys I don't we trust in. Yeah, but it's like not about the boy, it's like I trust you. I know how to say no.

SPEAKER_01 23:31

I know, I know.

SPEAKER_00 23:32

Like I know how to be like no, and like if I wouldn't be with a boy if I think he wouldn't respect me saying no.

SPEAKER_01 23:37

I appreciate that, and I'm that makes me happy and proud, and maybe I do need to be a little bit more like lenient with certain things when it comes to that stuff, because I do trust you and I want you to know that I trust you. I just I think the thought of that happening in my house like scares me.

SPEAKER_00 23:55

No, I could never do that in my own house. Like, what do you mean I'm literally like steps away from my mom? Yeah, like absolutely not. Like that actually, like it makes my stomach draw because that's actually disgusting.

SPEAKER_01 24:05

Yeah, okay. Well then I'm glad we're on the same page.

SPEAKER_00 24:08

And it's also like for the sleepovers, I don't know. I just think sleepovers would be good. Cause also if I didn't have a plan for my future and I wanted kids and it would be a different story, I like want my future to be good. I'm not about to do anything to f up my future.

SPEAKER_01 24:23

I know, but accidents do happen, right?

SPEAKER_00 24:26

Yeah, but I know how to say no. That's that's something like I know. Like no is a full sentence, and I would not be with a guy if I didn't think he would not respect that.

SPEAKER_01 24:34

I'm proud of you for that. That makes me happy. It gives me a little bit of peace of mind, also. Yeah. Okay, so in general, what is dating actually like for for you guys at your age? Like, what does a like a relationship look like when it comes to you know getting to know someone? Um, first dates, when do they meet the parents? Like, tell me the whole picture, like the whole big picture of it.

SPEAKER_00 24:59

I feel like it's different for everyone, but for me, so like talking, we're just getting to know each other, like we're asking each other questions and like getting to know each other, and then this generation doesn't really go on dates, which I don't like.

SPEAKER_01 25:12

What would a first date look like for someone in high school right now?

SPEAKER_00 25:16

Going to the movies, taking going out for dinner, doing an activity together.

SPEAKER_01 25:21

How often does that actually happen, or are first dates more or less just like let's meet up and hang out?

SPEAKER_00 25:28

Boys don't take girls on dates anymore. It's just like let's hang out.

SPEAKER_01 25:32

Does the guy or even the girl, I guess, still ask, like, do you want to be my girlfriend? Yeah. Yeah, you they do?

SPEAKER_00 25:40

Boys ask that. Girls don't really ask that. No, okay. Some boys just say, Do you want to be my girlfriend or do you like a big thing? Like a proposal type thing. But I've never had that happen to me.

SPEAKER_01 25:56

Boys take notes. Yeah, guys. Write that down, write that down. Um that's so funny. It's so different than I mean, not really. I was gonna say it's different than when I grew up, but I'm thinking about it and I'm like, it's not really, actually. Maybe like from our parents or like our grandparents, because I know, like, you know, back then it was like you'd ask the person, oh, do you want to go like to a movie with me? And then you would show up at their door and like shake their parents' hands and wait for the dot girl to come out, like, I wish I lived in the 80s, bro. Yeah, like that was even probably even before the 80s, I feel like, but I do feel like you are an old soul. Like with like your Elvis, like you like Elvis and stuff. I'm like, Abby should have been born in like the 50s or the 60s. Bro, I really should have, but I was thriving. Do you feel like you or girls in general get attached easier and faster to the guys than the guys do to the girls?

SPEAKER_00 26:55

It depends on if you have daddy issues.

SPEAKER_01 27:00

That is so real.

SPEAKER_00 27:02

But yeah, I feel like girls get attached quicker than guys, but guys can also get attached. Yeah. Because like if a girl has like raging daddy issues, then she'll get attached to the super fast.

SPEAKER_01 27:13

Yeah. And I do you think that's where you know, eventually someone ends up getting hurt because one person cares more than the other?

SPEAKER_00 27:21

Yeah. Yeah. I feel like it has to be mutual. But like they both care a lot.

SPEAKER_01 27:27

Yeah, I think like that happens even in adult relationships too, like not just teenage relationships, right? Um when it comes to like dating and stuff, do you feel like you can tell me everything about that stuff, or do you feel like there's still stuff that you have to hide from me?

SPEAKER_00 27:44

No, I feel like I can tell you everything. Yeah. Yeah. That's good.

SPEAKER_01 27:48

And I feel like that's one of the reasons why I don't tell you I don't want you dating, because it kind of, you know, circling back to what that article said, it's like if you were to ever end up in in a relationship that wasn't healthy or a toxic relationship, and I want you to always feel like you could come to me because for me, your safety is number one.

SPEAKER_00 28:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:13

Everything else we can deal with another time, but to me, your safety is the most important, right? So when it comes to like dating and stuff, do you think girls your age sometimes accept things that they shouldn't in relationships? Yeah. Yeah, I do. What do you think what types of things maybe do they settle for or let slide? Like give me some examples.

SPEAKER_00 28:41

I feel like talking to other girls is one or having a crazy ex. Yeah. Is one. And I can't lie, I've been the crazy ex before. Um pretty bad to admit that, but yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:57

It's good on you though that you can admit that, but like I'm not really like that anymore, but I have been pretty pretty crazy. Yeah, I I think every girl who's in love at some point We turn into freaking FBI agents also.

SPEAKER_00 29:13

I swear I'm a sidekick, mom. Psychic. Psychic. Okay, she always does this to me. Like, I just say it wrong. Like, I'm sorry, but I swear I'm a sidekick. I get feelings, I get gut feelings, and every time I'm right, I've never been wrong. Ever.

SPEAKER_01 29:25

Your gut is always right.

SPEAKER_00 29:26

Usually I see it in my dreams. You're always I feel it in my bones, in my soul. You feel it in my bones. No, I'm not even joking. But also, I think another thing girls let slide a lot is like parnatics. Okay, wait. What? Yeah. At your age? Yes. Guys are literally disgusting with that. Like some guys actually like are disgusting. I'm like mind-blown right now. That happens at your age. Sometimes, yeah, it's not, it's not like common, but there are some girls that like let guys slide with that sh.

SPEAKER_01 30:02

I'm okay, so this is a weird topic to talk about with you, because obviously you're young and you're my daughter, but I feel like it's such a hard topic because I think like watching porn is like a natural thing for people. But as long as the other as long as the other partner is okay with it, if the other partner isn't okay with it, I don't I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 30:29

I consider it cheating. You don't like when I I had a situation like with my friend with that, and like I consider it cheating. I think it's like weird.

SPEAKER_01 30:38

I think at your age that that's so fair because you guys aren't doing that stuff really. So like, yeah, that would be like a very uncomfortable situation for a teenage girl to go through. Um, I it's so now it's hard for me to talk on it because I'm an adult and obviously my situation is very different, but I didn't even know that that was a thing in teenagers in high school. It's it's boys. In the with the boys, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:06

Yeah, it's boys that yeah. I've never heard of a girl like watching that. Yeah, it's always the boys that wow.

SPEAKER_01 31:13

I'm I'm literally speechless.

SPEAKER_00 31:15

Yeah, I've just had like friends with that problem, and like the yeah, some let it slide, some don't.

SPEAKER_01 31:21

I definitely can see where a girl would feel disrespected at your age in a relationship for that. It just makes them feel insecure. Oh, 100%. 100%. Yeah. And then honestly, it's like, how do you expect me to be able to like open up and feel vulnerable to you after that? Yeah. Because then you're constantly feeling like you're gonna be compared. Yeah. Yeah. That's not a good feeling at all. Do you ever think that you have accepted less than you deserve in a relationship? Be honest.

SPEAKER_00 31:49

Um, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But I'm really trying to like lock in and just stand on my shit and like get better. Hold your ground.

SPEAKER_01 32:00

Yeah. When you felt like you were accepting or letting something slide, like what made you stay or yeah, what made you stay in the situation, even though you knew deep down that you deserved better? Attachment. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 32:15

Especially because I have daddy issues.

SPEAKER_01 32:18

And yeah, that doesn't help. And feeling, you know. And it made me literally like crazy. Like actually crazy. I think we've all been there, and I think that's another reason why it's important to have open communication, because then you always have someone to talk to. You can always come to me and say, and even when I say I'm disappointed in you for you know going back to a situation that might not be good for you, I might not like it, and I might be a little bit disappointed, but I will always be on your side. I'll always be there to support, support you, help you, guide you, and teach you. Like, you know, I'm obviously I'm not like a relationship expert, but I've been through a lot of relationships. I've been through a lot when it comes to male and female relationships. And yeah, I always want you to feel like you can come to me no matter what. And I think that it's important and I appreciate you for always being open about that. So thank you for telling me. You're welcome. What do you think that you deserve from someone that you're talking to or dating? Like, what's the what's the expectation and the sand standard that you set for yourself when it comes to dating in a relationship?

SPEAKER_00 33:33

Communication is one of them. And I think a big thing that comes with relationships is like reassurance and trust.

SPEAKER_01 33:41

Yeah, those are really big pillars of a relationship, I feel.

SPEAKER_00 33:45

Yeah, and like that's kind of it for me, and just like be loyal. Like loyal, trust, reassurance, and communication.

SPEAKER_01 33:52

Yeah, those are really good, um, like found that's a really good foundation of a good relationship.

SPEAKER_00 33:58

And like I have stuff I need to work on too, because like I'm like six, seven.

SPEAKER_01 34:03

Yeah, like nobody's perfect, right? Yeah. There's always room for improvement and room for growth. So I totally see that. So when it comes to you dating and you know, talking to someone or being in a relationship, and then you come to me because you're upset about something that happened. Do you feel like I handle it well or do you think that I overreact?

SPEAKER_00 34:24

Sometimes you handle it well, and sometimes you overreact. Like sometimes I just need you to not give me advice and just let me cry and rant. And sometimes I just need you to keep your opinions to yourself, but other times I do want your opinion and I want your advice and I want you to help me. But sometimes you do overreact and you're like, what the h?

SPEAKER_01 34:41

Okay, that's fair. That's so understandable, and thank you for telling me that because I do want to be better with that stuff because even me as an adult, like sometimes when I go to Katie about things or when I go to my friends about things, you know, I just I sometimes I just need to vent and I just need to let it out. And I just want my person to like hug me and say, you know, it's okay, and those types of things. And and then there are obviously times when I when I want advice, but I'll always ask, like, what do I do or how do I handle this situation?

SPEAKER_00 35:11

Yeah, like if I don't ask what do I do, how do I handle this, or like what can I do? Then I literally just want to vent and like get it out.

SPEAKER_01 35:18

So when it comes to, you know, the rules, do you think that I'm too hard on you sometimes? Yeah. You do?

SPEAKER_00 35:24

Mm-hmm. And what do you I just think like with school or like with my phone, with relationships, like you're you're really, really hard on me, or like my chores and stuff. Because like sometimes like with my chores and like everything, like you need to understand that like I know you work and you had a longer day than me, but school, it is so draining. And like, right when I get home, I'm not gonna wanna do my chores right away. Sometimes I just need to lay in my bed for an hour and I'll do them. And sometimes I forget, but like that's okay because I am a teenager and I am tired, and I just want to like after school and socializing with people and being around people I despise, and like just being in a classroom with loud ass children. I just want like I like it's so like especially because I get overstimulated so easily.

SPEAKER_01 36:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 36:14

I just like when I'm home, my home is my safe place, and like my bed is my room is my my freaking cave.

SPEAKER_01 36:20

I like that. I love that. And you know what? I do I know that I need to um be a little bit easier on you with that because I am the exact same way. The it the moment that I get in the door, I drop my back. Yeah, and you go lay you go right on the coach. I do. I plop my butt on the coach and I just need a few minutes to wind down. And I think that I get in my head when it comes to, you know, ensuring that you're doing what you need to do right when you get home, because in my brain, I'm like, I need to make sure that she is like learning how to be responsible and productive. I kind of forget about how important it is also to like, you know, sometimes we just need a minute. However, I know that it's important to, you know, work, that's why they say work hard, play hard. You do your responsibilities and then you get to chill, but it's not like you're coming home and you're like, all right, I'm going out to hang out with my friends. You're like, Mom, I just need a minute to lay and then I'll do my chores. And sometimes I kind of forget that you're a human too, and and I'm so worried about like I need to make sure that she stays on a structure and she stays on routine, and then I kind of lose it.

SPEAKER_00 37:21

Let me tell you something. I know that you're so worried about me not having structure and like being responsible with cleaning, and like because you're worrying about like when I'm older, I'm not gonna like keep up with my responsibilities. I don't want that for myself when I'm older. Like when my room is messy, like I love when I can just like clean my room and like have a clean space. Like, I just don't see myself being a messy person when I'm older. Like me and we're living together, like we're getting our first apartment when we're older together, and like we both know that we're we we don't want that lifestyle. We want to be like clean, baddie, like organized, organized, like yeah, just baddies.

SPEAKER_01 37:54

I know. I do need to kind of trust you a little bit more when it comes to Yeah, because I don't want that life for myself.

SPEAKER_00 37:59

Like, I have plans, I have a future, I have goals, I have achieved I have achievements that I need to achieve.

SPEAKER_01 38:04

I know. I just think again, it brings me right back to like I didn't have someone teaching me.

SPEAKER_00 38:09

But you need to let like you need to understand that your past trauma with that is not me. That's not like I know what I am. I know. Because especially from what I've seen in our family from like our family members, I want to be the opposite. Like, I want to show my dad that I am literally successful. Like straight up, he's gonna be out of jail and like look me up, and I'm going to be in New York thriving with a book out and a psychologist.

SPEAKER_01 38:34

Period. Loser. Let's jump into this week's hot or not question.

SPEAKER_00 38:46

My favorite part. Um so millennial. The name is actually the most millennial thing I've ever heard of.

SPEAKER_01 38:53

How about we spend some time this week brainstorming another name?

SPEAKER_00 38:57

No, because it's already the name. That's okay. And we can switch it up. We can switch it up. No, I like it. I just like I love how millennial it sounds. Like it's so cute, mom. Like it's so cute.

SPEAKER_01 39:07

So the first hot or not, um receiving a stuffy from your boyfriend as a gift. Wait, is this hot or not? Yeah. Yeah, hot. That's so hot. You like that? Yeah. Yeah. No, I love it. I think so too. I think like even as an adult, Katie bought me a freaking sloth stuffy for Valentine's Day.

SPEAKER_00 39:28

I have two of your sloths in my room because like they remind me of you. I love them. That's cute. Sloths always remind me that's why I had the sloth sticker on my phone because it reminds me of you.

SPEAKER_01 39:37

Aw, I love that.

SPEAKER_00 39:38

Because sloths are genuinely you. Like, that's your like, that's literally your spirit animal. I do, I do love a sloth.

SPEAKER_01 39:46

Posting ever it's so funny because we I didn't know that we were gonna be talking about these specific things when I chose these hot or not questions, but a lot of the things that are in here we kind of touched on during the episode, so it's kind of funny. Um, posting everything versus being low-key private. Hot or not.

SPEAKER_00 40:05

Okay, it's hot if you're an influencer and like that's your job, but if you're just a random person and nobody knows and you're posting your whole life and like you're oversharing on the internet, not like I'm sorry, but no, like Yeah, I'm not it.

SPEAKER_01 40:21

I feel like it's hard for me to speak on this because like I post okay, but that's your job. But honestly, I don't post literally every single thing. People look at my TikTok and like I do post a lot and I try to be consistent, and even on like my Instagram stories and stuff, I try to post a lot, but there's a lot of things that I also don't post.

SPEAKER_00 40:42

Yeah, I know because I know you and like you don't post your you don't really post your personal, personal life, like stuff that should not be on the internet, you know like what's appropriate to be on the internet versus what's not appropriate.

SPEAKER_01 40:53

Yeah, and like for example, last night Katie and I we went to Five Guys, and in my head I was like, should I do a video about this? And Katie was like, Don't feel pressure to always be doing a video. And I was like, no, you know, like I don't always want to be on, like sometimes I just want to enjoy like a night out with uh uh Katie. Like we went and got we had to get a couple groceries and we had to get a couple things for Easter, and then we wanted to go and grab a bite to eat. And like I don't always want to be on like I don't always want to have my phone in my hand filming. Sometimes I just want to enjoy it. I think you do need to learn that. Yeah, I'm working on that. I was talking to my therapist about that yesterday. Double texting, hot or not.

SPEAKER_00 41:35

Not it depends on the person though. Like if you're locked in, then yeah, but if you're just talking and you're talking stage, do not double text. I literally, especially if he's not showing interest, which this is directed to one of my friends, you know who you are if you're listening. Do not double text that man, bro. Do not like if they're not returning the energy, bro. You know my friend knows who they are. They know.

SPEAKER_01 41:57

I love a double text. But I also Okay, but you're married. Yeah. That's so true. It's different. So true. Cutting people off easily, hot or not.

SPEAKER_00 42:06

Hot.

SPEAKER_01 42:07

I agree.

SPEAKER_00 42:08

I thrive. I thrive. No, because if I don't like you, I'll actually cut you off. Same.

SPEAKER_01 42:11

If your energy is switching up, or you know, you do something that my, you know, my character doesn't align with, like But it also depends on like the person like could be doing something that I don't like.

SPEAKER_00 42:25

I definitely do stuff she doesn't like, but we are so close, so we're literally like sisters to the point we can't cut each other off. Like Ma said to me one time, she was like, if you were anybody else, I would have cut you off already.

SPEAKER_01 42:36

Yeah, that's fair. Obviously, you're gonna have things that you disagree with with your friends and family and and relationships and stuff, but I more or less mean like when someone does something that's like super disrespectful of being. Yeah, like it's easy to cut someone off like that. Because they clearly don't respect each other.

SPEAKER_00 42:52

If you're not that close, yeah. Yeah. But like me and we say that like we can check each other without getting mad and like dropping each other. Like, do you know what that means? Yeah, I do.

SPEAKER_01 43:02

Like you're you're able to be like, yo, what you did was not okay.

SPEAKER_00 43:06

Yeah, or just like giving them advice and like putting them in their place about it. Like Maddie's put me in my place so many times. I've put Maddie in her place so many times, but we know that it's out of love and out of like caring. Yeah, that's fair. That's why we have such a strong bond and like friendship.

SPEAKER_01 43:21

Yeah, I think that's important. I think it's important to be able to go to your friend and be like, yo, you're doing this and this is messed up. Yeah. And you know, I'm saying this to you because I care about you and I care about our friendship, and I just want you to kind of be more mindful of that.

SPEAKER_00 43:35

Yeah, I'd never drop Maddie if she did something I didn't like, but I would tell I would be honest about her, but I'd never drop her over it.

SPEAKER_01 43:41

Yeah, and it's also it says a lot about your friendship and the person, too, of the way that they receive that as well.

SPEAKER_00 43:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 43:47

Like if they get defensive right off the bat and they can't take it, like if they can't even like kind of sit back and consider, like, oh, they're saying this for a reason, then they're that's an issue.

SPEAKER_00 43:56

Yeah, and me and I have definitely have problems where like we have that issue and we just get Defensive, but like we're learning not to. Yeah, that's good. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 44:03

I feel like you guys have a decent rel a decent friendship. We we do. Yeah. Situationships, hot or not.

SPEAKER_00 44:12

Not I hate situations. I don't even remember the last situationship I was in.

SPEAKER_01 44:18

Like just be clear about your intentions. That's that's I think is very important, especially in this day and age, because you know it's so easy to be able to like talk to someone else, and like for you guys, like it's so easy for someone who's in a talking stage, I guess you could say, um, to also be talking with someone else.

SPEAKER_00 44:41

Yeah, and if you're not for real about me or you don't have peer intentions with me, just just don't f with me then.

SPEAKER_01 44:49

Yeah. Like point blank, like streaks on Snapchat. Are we still doing those hot or not? I have streaks with my closest friends. And are you like you're serious about your streaks?

SPEAKER_00 44:59

No, I don't care if I lose streaks. I mean, if my streaks are really high, like me and Olivia, our streak is over like a hundred, then I'll care, but like if not, I don't care. Yeah, I but I'm not taking it seriously. Like, I'm not purposely snapping you to get our snap streak. I'm literally just snapping you because like you want to talk to them. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 45:18

Um, so it's not like you broke our streak, like I'm mad at you type thing. Like no one can do it. No, I don't care. So those so snap streaks are not in as much as they were. Okay. Bed rotting days, hot or not. I love bedrobbed bed rotting. Same. I'm a I love bed rotting. I don't get to do it very often, but when I do, let me tell you. I love it. I love laying in my bed with fresh sheets and fresh clean blankets and my PJs with my watching your show. Such a good feeling. Let's talk about our sleigh and our struggle of the week. Okay. What was your struggle of the week?

SPEAKER_00 46:05

Um, what was my struggle of the week? I don't think I had one. No, you had a good week.

SPEAKER_01 46:11

You did have a pretty good week.

SPEAKER_00 46:14

Yeah, I think it was just like school.

SPEAKER_01 46:17

But like I don't know. School stuff.

SPEAKER_00 46:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 46:20

That's kind of good though, if you can't think of one. Yeah. My struggle of the week is that, guys, we just got a new washer, like maybe two months ago, and it started to leak this week. And actually, yeah, it doesn't work right now. Okay, so that's actually good. Yeah, we can't do laundry. Um, we have a part coming, it's getting fixed. But right before Christmas, our washer broke. We went like over a month without a washer, and then it got fixed, or we got a new one, and then our dryer ended up not working for a little bit. Then they fixed it, and now our washer is leaking, our brand new one. Um, but it's it's gonna get fixed, so so that's good. Um, but yeah, that's definitely my my struggle of the week. Um, what's your slay of the week? Back in contact with my on and off warrior. Can I add that to my struggle of the week? No, I'm just kidding. Mummy, don't say that. I'm just joking. I'm just joking. Well, my sleigh of the week is that I went to the gym four days in a row this week. Period. And I tracked my entire diet for the last 10 days, and I was able to eat in a deficit every day except for two of those days, which is a huge deal for me. Yeah, so I really had fun doing this episode. So I really enjoyed it. Those of you guys who are listening, please, please send us in some text messages. We want to know what you guys want to know. So send us a text, ask us some questions, or maybe if you can relate to this episode, let us know. Tell us your stories. We can share them on the next episode. You can follow along our show. It's on Instagram, it's at like mother like daughter show. I think we can wrap it up there. Yeah, yeah. All right, well, I love you all. Love you guys. I appreciate you guys for listening. I cannot believe that it is seven episodes in. It's crazy. Um, but I hope you guys all have the best week and we will catch you next Monday. Bye. Bye.